There will be a list of my favourite films of the year posted on the site very soon, with contributions from other film writers for The Edge. But before that celebration of high-quality cinema, I thought we’d take a look back at some of the low points the film calendar has brought us this year. There have been moronic sequels, awful remakes, dreadful romcoms, and the joy of Bella bonking Edward. So, in order of awfulness, here are my ten worst films of 2011.
1. The Hangover Part II
The very worst picture of 2011 was The Hangover Part II, one of the nastiest and most atrocious pieces of gutter trash this century has given us so far. It’s the first film done all over again, only cruder, less funny, more racist, misogynist and homophobic, and far too long.
2. Transformers: Dark of the Moon
The cast can’t act. The director can’t direct. Robots hit each other. Major world disasters are crassly trivialised. Rosie Huntington-Whitely gets raped by a camera lens so that brainless teenage boys can munch popcorn, watch explosions and masturbate all at the same time.
3. New Year’s Eve
A ghastly sort-of-sequel to Valentine’s Day. If the first movie was like experiencing root canal while having confetti thrown at you, this is like having your eyes gashed out with a sequined stiletto while a talentless celebrity murders ‘Auld Lang Syne’ in the background. I didn’t like it.
4. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Stop! Please stop! Depp sold out to the dollar signs and pointless 3D was added. Oh, and a man was set on fire and we got to watch. Nice one, Disney.
5. Red Riding Hood
Or rather, Twilight re-cloaked. This fairytale retelling was in desperate need of a decent script. Instead, it got one that sounded like it was written by love-smitten 15-year-olds who want desperately to be grungy and alternative.
6. Dream House
This preposterous rubbish is one of the most puzzling films of the year. Why did Craig, Weisz and Watts agree to be in it? And why was the big twist revealed in the promotional trailer?!
7. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1
I’ve been a tentative fan of this series up until this point, but BDP1 has put a stop to that. A kitsch, ridiculous and badly scripted mess. Go on, try to keep a straight face when the dogs start talking.
8. Brighton Rock
I was quite looking forward to this, but the result was a crass, tension-less smudging of Graham Green’s novel.
9. Larry Crowne
Julia Roberts! Tom Hanks! What could possibly go wrong? Well, a lot, actually. This bafflingly bad romantic comedy couldn’t even be saved by Roberts’s considerable talent.
10. Water for Elephants
An unconvincing romance, a tedious plot, limp performances and the romanticising of animal exploitation. Fun night out, right?